I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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