booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
