Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think your dad took our porno
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
