my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
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