ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
