Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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