Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
