I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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