You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
