would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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