people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
