Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
