What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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