Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
