i think my tv is drunk
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
