i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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