you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
