you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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