It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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