no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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