i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
