This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
