he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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