sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
