matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
