One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
