i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
