I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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