well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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