I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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