I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
