he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
