So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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