he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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