dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
