I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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