judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
