can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
