I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
