just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
