half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
