Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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