thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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