when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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