i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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