Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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