my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
