Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
