Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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