Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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