capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.