i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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