forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
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its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
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The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz