She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
do herpes really smell.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?