You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I want to be your penis for a week.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.