I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill