I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Randomize
