Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
