The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
