Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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