I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
