oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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