I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
