I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
