remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
