I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
