Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
