I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Randomize
