So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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