Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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