i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
40s are totally the cure
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
