Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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