I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
