Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Randomize
