btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
