I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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