She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
