They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
