it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
